My parents never discussed my purpose in this world. 

What do I want to be? Who am I? Where do I fit in?

Those questions simply weren’t posed to girls like me growing up in our Chinese culture. As a young person, I tried to please others. I tried to be everything to everybody. Chinese girls like me were taught to be subservient. 

My culture taught me that my place was to keep up the house, cook, care for my husband and children. Don’t misunderstand, I am not complaining about my upbringing. That’s just how our culture was, especially then.

Only after immigrating to the United States, experiencing the world, and navigating some of life’s hurdles did I come to appreciate this American idea of finding yourself. This Western philosophy and other aspects of individualism and self-agency are foreign to our culture. 

The emphasis on finding yourself ranks among the many aspects of American culture I appreciate. This type of thinking affords so much more opportunity, especially to women, that I could have ever dreamed of in my culture.

I am a happier person now that I understand myself better and appreciate what I want out of life. I know where I fit. I take control of my journey. 

Life becomes more navigable after you learn and accept who you are and who you are not. I try to remind myself that I do not need to live my life to suit others’ expectations of me. Instead, I must live so that, when I look in the mirror, I am happy with the person staring back at me.

Of course, I did not evolve into this American way of thinking overnight. I only attained this evolved philosophy because of my lived experiences. 

When I was 47, I experienced a tragedy that shattered my worldview and sent me spiraling into a dark depression. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. Everything I believed in had been stolen from me. So it seemed, anyway, in that moment.

I made a few life changes around that time. A friend helped lead me to Jesus, and I found strength in Him. I sought help with therapy – another taboo in my culture. I learned how to embrace myself and, for the first time, I started to appreciate the importance of self-love.

I remember saying to a friend: I am a valuable person. I am a human being. I have a life. I have self-respect, and I should not be destroyed by situations beyond my control. I must survive. 

This marked a big step in my self-love journey, and I began to take personal ownership over my life.

Continue reading Vera’s post, originally published at Women’s Outdoor News.