In an interesting series of interviews, Michelle Cerino talks to former pro-shooter Vera Koo about topics that pertain to Vera’s success and life story. Find out how Vera’s advice about how to be a good Chinese wife could translate into modern day marriage tips. This post, originally published at 《女性户外运动新闻》, can be read below.
I’m always impressed and often surprised at the interesting information Vera Koo shares with me when we chat. This article is written from pieces within our conversation, which, although scattered throughout, all came back to the same topic. I wasn’t sure what to title it, or if it would make outsiders look negatively on the Chinese women of Vera’s generation. However, I strongly feel that it’s an important topic that shows how hard Vera’s generation had to work to get what they wanted, while at the same time honoring their mothers’ advice and remaining devoted Chinese wives. Plus, there just might be a tidbit or more of Chinese advice that women of other generations may find helpful. ~ Michelle Cerino
Chinese Advice for Women
Below, you will read, in Vera’s words, her Chinese advice to women.
Stay Out of the Sun
In my culture, women of my generation don’t go out in the sun because we want our skin to be fair and smooth. I remember telling one of my Chinese friends how fun it was to go houseboating, and at first, she was excited and said, “I want to go houseboating!” However, when I explained that you actually spend five days in your swimsuit, she asked, “Does that mean that you have to be under the sun?” When I said, “Yes,” she immediately replied that she wasn’t going. This reaction is common in my culture and my generation; women simply do not sunbathe. This helps explain why it’s pretty common for Chinese women not to know how to swim.
How to Appease a Chinese Husband
One of my girlfriends was interested in golfing, so she started lessons. The lessons were at 11 o’clock a few days a week. After a few weeks of lessons, her husband (who worked from home) told her he wanted her to keep him company at lunch instead of taking golf lessons. So she quit, when she could’ve actually rearranged her lessons to start earlier in the morning and still made it home in time for lunch.
This same friend’s husband bought a 50-foot yacht. I told her she should take some boating classes to learn how to operate a boat. She needs to know everything about the boat and how to manage it. I knew her husband would support her by giving her the time and the money to take the classes. Now remember, I’m talking about more than 30 years ago. I believed her husband would worship the ground she walked on if she took the class and helped him run the boat when they went out. Well, she didn’t.
This is what I tried to explain to other women of my race and generation. Go learn something your husband enjoys doing. My parents weren’t athletes, so neither was I. When I married Carlos, I couldn’t even do a push-up or sit-up, but he wanted to do all these athletic things. Before I got married, my mom said, “If your husband wants to do certain things, whatever they are, you want to make sure you keep him company.” I followed her advice. Even though I was scared of downhill skiing, I skied every weekend for ten years during the season. Carlos was very patient in teaching me; he took me through all the moguls for four years. By the time I quit, around age 70, I could ski double-black diamonds. (Note: this designation, double-black diamond, is the most challenging slope rating.)
Carlos traveled frequently for business when we were younger. So, when he was at home, I didn’t go out with my girlfriends; I canceled all my appointments and just stayed home with him. One day, I was getting ready for my aerobics class, which was at 8:30 in the morning. When I glanced up, I noticed Carlos did not have a happy look on his face. He was not pleased that I was going out when he was home. I thought about it. I was only leaving for two hours. I knew I needed to pick my battles, and I decided there was nothing wrong with me going out to exercise. So I fought for that, and he got used to it. This shows that 30- to 40-years ago, husbands in the Chinese culture didn’t like their wives doing anything other than what they wanted them to do.
Reflection
This is all about cultural and generational differences. What I shared, what my mom taught me, and what I tried to teach others would never happen to women now. I am grateful to my mom for many things, but three are most important. One, she gave me great advice. Two, I inherited my clean complexion from her (even with all the abuse I put on it, going out in the sun). And three, she was always looking for hope. She always knew everything would be all right.
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